It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
