Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
