I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
