I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize