last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
