okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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