YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
