What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
