Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am one with the molecules
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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