There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
