i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
