ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
