dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
