i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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