Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
