so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
