Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
