She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
