Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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