First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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