And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
