I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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