this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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