I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
