I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
