I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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