my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
