That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
