Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
