Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
