Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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