i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
