She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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