I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
