we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
