shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
