The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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