4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
