why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
