I just made out with a guy for $7.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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