just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
