Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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