Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
