So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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