If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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