Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
