It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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