So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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