Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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