I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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