My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
