those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I look better un-naked...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
its liver damage thursday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize