This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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