no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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