Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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