I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
