He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
