The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
