Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
