Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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