dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
