I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They took my balls.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
