the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize