This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
