if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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