Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
