I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
