yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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