I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
