Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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