hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
