I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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