the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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