so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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