Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
