I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
