Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
