Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just cropdusted the office
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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