Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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