Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
