she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
