I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
