I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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