Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
