I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
