Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
