did you get engaged???
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
