It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
