I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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