Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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