Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize