U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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