Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
