Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
