i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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