Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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