How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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