Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
