Can i not drive my cunt home
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
