It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im holly from the hills drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
